MOTHER TRUTHS - GUEST POST WITH KAREN MCMILLAN

With the recent release of my book The Rallying Cry : Healing the Hardest Parts of Life Through Creativity, I’m really keen to keep the conversation going. So many of us find comfort in making, but what is it we’re drawn to? Why is it so helpful? How do we stay inspired? AND how do we find time?! These are all things I’m excited to share here, through a series of creative self-care guest posts. 

I’m so excited to share this amazing guest with you. I met Karen on Instagram in 2019 and we connected over a love of words and Fleetwood Mac. Karen is a stay at home mum to her three-year-old son, Casey. She writes poetry and prose and is definitely not one of *those* Karens. Writing under the alias of Mother Truths on Facebook and Instagram, her poems are hugely popular and resonate with many mums. Earlier this year she self-published 'Mother Truths' a collection of poetry which speaks the secrets of early motherhood. Here’s what she had to say…

What prompted you to start writing poetry? And how long have you been doing it?

Motherhood definitely sparked something in me. I suddenly wanted to rhyme things. I attribute it to the sleep deprivation because inspiration always struck in the middle of the night. I wrote my first poem just before Casey turned one. I then didn't write anything for six months before writing a poem called "Just Stop It" about the tendency mothers have to compare themselves to other mothers. And then it was like a tap was turned on and I was writing more and more until I suddenly had enough to fill a book.

Who or what inspires you?

People who can tell a story well and have the ability to get to the crux of the matter in a succinct way, using beautiful sentences. In terms of poets I love Maya Angelou, Hollie McNish and Sylvia Plath.

I particularly enjoy writing that mixes the mundane with the magical. One of my favourite books as a child was "The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole" I loved the down to earth everyday-ness of it, but there was also this sense that it was saying something deeper.

I'm inspired by music. The Beatles. Simon and Garfunkel. Elton John. Queen. Billy Joel. Radiohead. Cat Power. Martha Wainwright. And will always have a soft spot for Britney.

My idol is Kate Bush. I saw her in concert a few years back. I felt like I had a golden ticket. She was delightfully shy on stage. But the magic was still there and she danced around barefoot.

Do you have a writing process? Where do you write? Do you use a laptop/phone/notebook/post-its?

No process whatsoever. I just jot things down on the notes section of my phone, as and when inspiration strikes.

What are your thoughts on showing your work versus keeping things private?

Sometimes I worry that I've shared too much. And will run it past Spence before I post it, particularly if it's about him. He's really good in that way and isn't bothered, even if I don't always paint him in the best light!

Writing about motherhood is a tricky one because our children haven't asked to be written about. But I tend to see my writing as about the experience of motherhood, rather than Casey. I hope he will enjoy reading it one day.

Can you tell us a little about the self-publishing process? Did you find it straight-forward?

The self-publishing process was much easier than I thought. Once I had the poems written it was just about getting the order of tasks straight in my head. There's loads of step by step guides on YouTube.

There are some great podcasts too. I really enjoy a podcast called bestseller which shares inspirational stories from authors who have self-published.

The great thing was it didn't cost a penny. My partner Spence designed the cover from a photograph of me and Casey. And my brother-in-law Mike edited it for me.

Your poem, “That First Year” resonated with so many mums. What do you think it was about that particular poem that struck such a chord?

It's been so lovely that people have related to that particular poem, because it was the first poem I wrote and when I wrote it I felt quite alone in my experience of motherhood. Like I was the only mum with a super-wakeful baby.

I think people appreciated the openness of it. Like an admittance of how hard the first year can be. The doubts and fears. The almost breakups. I've had women in their 80s tell me it brought back lots of memories for them. It's strangely comforting that the struggles of motherhood are timeless in a way.

What does writing bring to your days?

Writing has proven to be a fantastic outlet for all those big feelings of motherhood. And provides a little hiatus from the domesticity of stay at home mum-life.

How does it feel when a poem starts to come together?

It feels satisfying when the words on the page start to resemble the feeling that you want to convey. I can tell a poem is finished when I feel excited to show it to someone.

What would you say to someone who loves the idea of writing but feels that they’re just “not creative enough”?

I think that if you are drawn to the idea of writing, then you're halfway there. Don't worry about feeling like you have to say something really important or controversial. A lot of the writing I enjoy reading is simply making observations about everyday life. So just start by writing down things or people you notice that make you feel or think something. Write it how you would speak it to your favourite person. And you'll soon find your own voice.

How do you find the time to write?

I think poetry and short prose lends itself well to anyone short on time. It's brief and punchy and doesn't require a big back story or research. Because of that I've been able to write in the stolen moments, as and when inspiration strikes.

When Casey was waking a lot, inspiration would often hit me in the middle of the night. There's something about 3am that makes you feel things a bit more deeply. So I'd write them down. Sometimes I'd look back and think 'Oh god that's awful. Sounds so cheesy and insincere'. But the occasional thing would hold up in the harsh light of day and I was always grateful for having written it down.

Who do you write for?

Anyone that will listen!

Initially, I started writing for the sleep-deprived mum. The one for whom extreme tiredness has overridden her whole experience of early motherhood. I was her. And I want her to know it gets better.

When I was in the depths of sleeplessness I would stumble upon articles by Raising Ziggy and Grubby Mummy and Raised Good and they made me feel normal. I promised myself that if Casey ever started sleeping I would give some sort of hope to the mums graced with hourly wakers.

What would you say to someone who is feeling creatively "stuck" right now?

It happens to me a lot. In fact, I don't write poetry any more since Casey started sleeping better. I've lost the ability to rhyme. It's quite strange.

But I love writing prose and I just wait now until inspiration hits. I know I should be doing it more consistently but I'm not one of those people who can sit and write everyday and get better. When I do that, the writing comes out really forced and insincere.

I will take a break from it. Listen to my favourite music. Have a bath. The quietness of bath-time often gets me thinking.

Are you working on any other projects right now?

I'm currently working on a book of prose. A collection of personal, reflective and relatable notes that hope to capture the uneasy adjustment of early motherhood. 

Such nurturing and encouraging advice, Karen. Thank you so much for sharing!

You can find Karen’s book, Mother Truths, here on Amazon or connect with her here on Instagram or Facebook.