GRIEVING YOUR BUSINESS BABY
After my second TFMR (termination for medical reasons) at the end of 2018, I spiralled. The only thing that helped was creating daily, in short bursts. Photography, writing, music-making. Creative self-care. As the buds of inspiration and hope appeared, they eventually blossomed into a new business idea. It would be the culmination of all my hard work and a way to sustain my efforts and justify them going forward.
My therapist likes to refer to this as my “business baby”.
Nine months on I was about to launch both my 1-1 mentoring for photographers as well as my book : The Rallying Cry - Healing the Hardest Parts of Life Through Creativity. It took every ounce of strength I had to piece myself back together but I’d more or less done it. I was feeling the confidence that comes with healing work & purpose. I was poised to deliver. I felt good.
And then COVID-19 happened. Suddenly everything felt as though it was falling apart once again. And not just for me this time but for everyone. Overnight our world became a different place. Unfamiliar and strange. And my brain instinctively reacted in the most extreme of ways, defaulting back to ground zero.
You see, when it comes to grief, I only have the most traumatic experiences of loss for reference. For me, everything instantly felt hopeless. Falling into familiar neural pathways, flailing in the water once again. I just couldn’t tell the difference between then and now.
I’ve felt irritated and short-tempered, tears flowing in the shower and worst of all, I lost the motivation to do the things that light and lift me up.
But this isn’t the end. Just as my human babies carry on living in my heart, affecting my thoughts, feelings and attitude, so does my business baby. It came from within me and all that goodness, light and hope is still there. I just have to dig for it. I have to believe that I still have resilience in abundance. As we all do.
Failure only truly comes when you throw in the towel. And I just can’t do that. So I’m going to do what I’ve done every other time the wrecking ball has smashed its way into my life, robbing me of both my confidence and my income. I’ll repeat the guiding words I’ve said a thousand times over as I continue to adapt and evolve:
“Ruin is the road to transformation” - Elizabeth Gilbert
I’m not going to sit around waiting to find out what the government will give me, which likely won’t be anything because of my limited company status, but more importantly because I never have before. Running my business for ten years has taught me that it’s eternally possible to shift and change as you make your own way in this world. To use the skills and experience you have with resourcefulness and grit. It’s mindset more than anything.
So after some time to lick my wounds, I’ve come up with a list of intentions for the coming weeks and thought I’d share them in case they're helpful to you too:
Scout around for free or discounted courses/offerings that align with my pre-existing goals or ones that might help me pivot in my business. I don’t want to get distracted by offers to learn origami or window-box gardening. Although I’m sure both these new creative outlets would be lovely, I just don’t have that luxury of time right now. To borrow the wisdom of Jen Carrington I’m going to “go deeper, not wider”.
Keep building meaningful relationships with my community. This is my free offering and is still as valuable as ever. It helps people get to know and trust me as someone who can serve them with whatever I’m able offer in the future. I’ve been hosting ukulele lives on Instagram this past week and interestingly, going “live” is something I never really saw the value in before. The more I do it, the easier it gets and I’m starting to explore ideas to incorporate this new way of showing up into my future business toolkit. Magic can happen when you let your curiosity lead.
Use my ever-shrinking pockets of time on focused efforts and adjust my expectations of what can realistically be achieved. If you want to see how I approach getting stuff done with limited time (and with the kids at home) click here.
I’ve had doubts about launching my 1-1 mentoring during this time but ultimately, it’s a service I really believe in. I’ve put my heart and soul into shaping so I’ve decided to take courage and go for it. So if you’re just setting up your photography business or you’re in your first few years of business and would like to use some of your time in this way, I would love to help you. Just click here to find out more about my 1-1 mentoring.
I’m also going to be running a competition this week to give away some free photography business mentoring spots. If you’d like to enter, pop over to my Instagram to follow me @suziejaygoldsmith and turn on post notifications so you don’t miss the announcement.
So whatever you’re feeling, it’s ok. Take the time you need, just try not to stay there too long. Whatever you’re facing or feeling right now, it doesn’t mean that this is the end. Far from it.
It may sound as though I’ve got it all together but these thoughts have only come because I’ve had to have this very conversation with myself this week…and I may well need to have it again tomorrow.
S x