NURTURING RESILIENCE
BEFORE WE GET STARTED:
If you’d like a more in-depth look at ways to nurture resilience, you might enjoy my book: The Rallying Cry - Healing the Hardest Parts of Life Through Creativity (click here to see on Amazon)
Now let’s jump in…
They say that lightening doesn’t strike twice and while I’d like to believe that, it’s just not true for everyone. For some, life can sometimes seemingly throw one thing after another, with no chance to come up for air.
For me, 2018 ended with more heartbreak and loss. The darkness of winter stretched out and while everyone else was busy looking forward with exciting plans and positive thoughts, all I could do was crumble.
I’d been here before. I knew the ropes. I dreaded the grief. It may sound selfish but it’s just so draining.
With my son, born sleeping at 23 weeks, I felt it all. I leaned hard into the feelings of loss. I was the picture of savage grief. At the time, this felt like the only way to get through it and it helped me feel closer to him. Three years on, I have a toddler who needs me and I just couldn’t face going through it all again the same way.
So I reached out. I made a choice. I could sink or try to swim.
A fellow loss mum recommended a book – Wabi Sabi : Japanese Wisdom for a Perfectly Imperfect Life by Beth Kempton. I started reading it because it sounded like a calming place to rest my thoughts. What I didn’t expect was a profound change from deep within me. Ideas that would help me navigate the storm and life beyond.
Perhaps it helped that it was the start of a new year. The ideal time for change and taking control. I was able to make small efforts along with everyone else, under the guise of New Year’s resolutions. There was an unconscious comradery in the beginning that helped me get going. Three months on though, I’m still making these efforts. Still working on my emotional well-being. Every single day.
No-one ever warns you about life’s core-shaking moments. It’s easy to feel unprepared. Life can be tough and leave you feeling battered and bruised. What we need is a little armour. A few ways to weather the storm. To nurture resilience.
With this in mind, I’d love to share some of the ideas from Beth’s book that have helped me the most.
Ways to nurture resilience
Boost your physical vitality, with exercise, nourishment and rest
Boost your mental vitality with quiet time, adequate sleep and time in nature.
Practise coping with small things, so you can better cope with big things.
Set yourself a series of small goals and work towards them
Seek out community and build a support network
There are five more listed in Beth’s book but I just adopted the ones that resonated with me the most and interpreted them in ways that felt right for me.
So, I started with the first one. I’m no good with salads. I need a good, hearty meal. The BBC Good Food app has come on such a long way in recent years and by picking out recipes that had at least 4 stars, the chances of being disappointed felt less likely. If you try only one new recipe this month, please let it be Herby rice with roasted veg, chickpeas & halloumi. It is so tasty and easy to make, it’s hard believe it’s good for you.
I started running a little. With no expectation. I ditched the Fitbit and strict regime and decided to run when I feel like it. Some days I do and some days I don’t. I’m learning to rest, not to quit. One thing I am quite strict with, is timing. For me, first thing in the morning is my only time for running. This stops me from agonising all day about whether I should go or not. If I haven’t gone that morning, the opportunity is gone for the day. I accept it, no guilt and try again tomorrow.
This next one might seem odd. De-cluttering and cleaning has played an unexpected central role in my self-care. While I sometimes lack the discipline to sit alone with my thoughts, I often find I’m able to process difficult emotions through a mundane physical task. A good old scrub can be surprisingly meditative. It takes me out of my head. Plus, when I’m done, I’m left with a clear space. Both physically and emotionally. It feels pretty good.
Setting creative goals came last. The personal struggles I’ve faced recently left me a little wounded and lacking confidence. So I started small. I led with my heart. I photographed my daughter a little more. I breathed life into my Instagram account and my blog. I’ve surprised myself with how much I love to write. Three years ago I wrote letters to Charlie, but never shared them with anyone. This time I’m writing with intention. I’m reaching out with my words and photos and connecting with people in ways I can’t in real life. Doing so has immeasurably lifted my spirits.
My steps to nurture resilience shouldn’t be confused with avoidance. I’m not hiding from my grief. Far from it. When I run in the early hours of the morning, I sometimes stop to cry. When I’m cleaning, thoughts of what could’ve been gently come and go. I’m creating safe spaces to explore my feelings. I write and take photos to release them.
They say it takes around three weeks to forge a new habit. I tried to remember this in the early days. My effort comes much easier now. Like tying a shoelace, I no longer have to think about it. Small changes have made a big difference to my life. Not much effort at all. All they needed was time.
It goes without saying that I loved Beth’s book. There’s so much more I could say, but I whole-heartedly think you should discover it for yourself. You can find Wabi Sabi : Japanese Wisdom for a Perfectly Imperfect Life here.
P.S. This post contains affiliate links to things I am recommending, which means that if you decide to use them, I might receive a small commission at no extra cost to you.