RAINBOW RUNNING AND YOGA CLUB : GUEST POST WITH LUCY SLIMMON

I can’t wait to share this beautiful creative self-care guest post with you today. In 2019, Lucy Slimmon founded Rainbow Running and Yoga Club, a community for women who have experienced baby loss and infertility. Lucy was kind enough to share her experiences in a very special and inspiring guest blog post. Together, this incredible community of women host monthly meet ups across the UK to walk, jog, run and then…arguably the best bit… go for cake. Since Lockdown they have moved their events online to incorporate yoga, guided meditations and mindfulness sessions and even a reading club.

Lucy writes so openly and honestly about her journey through secondary infertility. I found myself nodding along reading her words. Though the specifics of our loss journeys may vary, we are bound together by our experiences, connected by the way we feel. And it really is quite a beautiful thing. Thank you for sharing Lucy, and for making me feel less alone with your words. I know they'll bring much comfort to others too.

Tell us a little about yourself

Well where to begin? I feel a sense of pressure to get the words that I share here “right”. Suzie’s words in The Rallying Cry have helped me so much with my own healing that I feel it’s important that my words here may help someone else too. 

My name is Lucy and I am a mother to one little rainbow (a baby born after loss) – who is almost three. It was an incredibly difficult journey to become a mum and this is what has lead me to my current role as founder of the Rainbow Running and Yoga Club. 

Prior to infertility and baby loss I had what I thought was my “dream” job – I worked in the Fashion Industry for a Handbag design company, we supplied most of the UK high street and I got to be involved in bringing the designs and ideas to life and ensuring they arrived in store for their launch dates. I loved the creative elements my job entailed and felt very fortunate to be able to travel the New York, Hong Kong and China as part of my role – it always felt a real “pinch me moment” that I was being paid to go shopping in New York when researching new ideas! 

Sadly the sparkle started to wear off my “dream job” following the loss of my first baby six years ago. Commuting to London for three + hours a day began to lose its excitement and a very negative environment at work all started to impact on my mental wellbeing. I was desperately unhappy, all I wanted was to become a Mum and that wasn’t happening, everything around me became less and less important as my inner focus on trying and failing to have baby became all-consuming. 

When we got to our diagnosis of unexplained secondary infertility, I knew it was time to leave my job – I didn’t want any regrets or what-if’s if this was going to be my one chance to become a mum. I wanted to give it 100% - something I knew I wouldn’t be able to do with a long commute and by this point an increasingly stressful job and working environment. 

Whilst undergoing IVF I briefly dabbled in setting up an online gift company, but when my daughter arrived I decided I didn’t want to miss a second of those precious firsts by juggling the two. I’d waited too long for something I wasn’t sure would ever happen and so I wanted to be in the moment with her. 

Just before my daughter turned one I discovered myself staring in disbelief at a positive pregnancy test, how? After years of nothing I was naturally pregnant. It was a real shock, and I wasn’t sure how I would manage with a baby and a one year old but I was really excited – perhaps miracles really did happen twice? Sadly the week before our daughter’s first birthday party I miscarried at home. I threw every ounce of myself in to making my daughters first birthday party the very best it could be, reminded by just how lucky we were to have her. I didn’t share with anyone at the time and it was really difficult dodging the questions of “so when are you going to have another” – whilst my heart was breaking. 

A few months later I found myself pregnant once more and this time we made it past the seven week mark – (a point I’d previously lost two of my babies) and we saw a strong heartbeat, I felt strong pregnancy symptoms (as I had with my daughter) and began to believe that this time we might get to bring home another rainbow. When we went for our ten week scan my world imploded with the words “I’m sorry there is no heartbeat” – how could this be happening again? I howled in shock. I am a “good person” why does this keep happening to us? What have a done wrong? Why couldn’t this time be different? 

I was broken, the weight of losing three babies in the space of five years, whilst having gone through infertility and gruelling rounds of IVF suddenly hit me like a tonne of bricks. I felt as though I had lost everything that made me “Lucy” and I quite honestly had no idea how I would get her back, but I knew I needed to try for my daughter, because she deserved me to be the Mum I so desperately wanted to be. 

I read Jessica Hepburns “21 Miles – swimming in search of the meaning of motherhood” and it changed my life, I felt inspired and motivated to do something. So I set myself the goal of running 5k – it may not seem a lot but I had never been a sporty person, I didn’t like running, I worried that I looked silly, that I couldn’t do it. Gradually, as the minutes I could run for increased, so did my confidence and self-worth, I discovered endorphins and that post-run rush of happiness that would flood my body when I returned home. After years of telling myself my body was failing it felt refreshing to finally be appreciative of my body and what it could do. Running 5k for the very first time without stopping was such an incredible feeling – I still remember that morning in May last year as though It was yesterday. I felt alive, I felt strong and I felt really proud of myself, something I hadn’t felt for a very long time. 

Tell us about Rainbow Running Club and Yoga club, what kind of events do you hold?

In July 2019 I took a giant leap out of my comfort zone and launched the Rainbow Running and Yoga Club – a community for women who have experienced baby loss and infertility. Up until this point I hadn’t really shared “openly” with my own experiences so it was incredibly nerve-wracking to suddenly be “opening up” and sharing. 

Yoga and running had helped me so much through the darkest moments of my life that I wanted to share my new found love with others, in the hope that I could help other women going through infertility and baby loss to feel better about their bodies, to help their mental wellbeing whilst connecting them to other women who understand. It has been life-changing. I didn’t realise how much I needed the connection of other Women who had been through similar experiences, but to talk to someone who “gets it” – it feels as though you can breathe for the first time in a long time. To no longer feel alone, to no longer feel as though you are the only one. It’s so freeing and uplifting. 

We started by holding monthly meet ups across the UK with the help of someone wonderful women who have gone on to set up Rainbow Running Club events where they live. We meet and walk/ jog/ run and then go for Cake – there is always cake. 

There is never any pressure to run, you don’t need to be a “runner” to take part – this was really important for me as I want to make sure all women feel welcome and as though they can come along. We usually split in to two groups – ones who walk, the others who run and jog. Being outside in the fresh air breaks the ice – it helps the conversations to flow in a more natural way – because let’s face it, meeting a group of strangers from the internet isn’t a particularly natural thing to do! There is no pressure to share your own experiences you can just listen to others. 

By the time we get to the cake part, the conversations are flowing freely and it’s really heart-warming to see women supporting each other and the realisation of “I’m not the only one”. I always leave our events feeling on such a high. Yes we are sharing the hardest moments of our lives but to be heard, to be seen, to be understood – that is life changing. Gosh how I miss our in-person events, the connection of seeing each other in real life, being able to hug one another. 

When Covid hit and lockdown forced all of our plans to come to a grinding halt I needed to think outside the box to keep our community connected during a time when we all needed connection more than ever, during a time when fertility treatments were cancelled mid cycles, put on hold with no start date in mind, women were going through baby loss in hospitals on their own without their partners by their sides, where they weren’t able to access support from friends and family. So, like most of the world we moved online to zoom and started hosting Mid-Week Mindfulness sessions each Wednesday evening where we either practice yoga or a guided meditation. We also have a once monthly Rainbow Reading Club where meet with different authors who share their experiences and books with us all. I’ve been very fortunate to be able to chat to some of the authors behind the books that have really helped me. 

I never would have thought to hold online events but it really has propelled our “club” forward and has helped to reach so many more women as it doesn’t matter where in the UK (or world) you live you can join in and if the thought of being “seen” is too daunting you can join in anonymously with your audio and video off from the safety of your own home. I was worried that the sense of community would become lost online but if anything the fact that we now see each other weekly it’s only strengthened the sense of community. 

In September we celebrated our first anniversary with 70+ women taking part in a 12k run/ walk across the UK and it really was such an incredibly powerful experience.

Why did it feel important to create these events and this community?

I created the events that I wish had been there when I was going through my own experiences of infertility and loss. A safe space to connect with others but also to do something lovely for yourself. So much of infertility and baby loss takes away the joy in life, we can restrict so much of what we do, what we eat, drink, etc etc. 

To me it’s important that our events provide an environment where you can show yourself and your body some love and kindness, whilst being gifted some beautiful treats to enjoy in your own time – to continue the self-care and kindness when you return home. 

Something to help you to feel more like “you” again. 

The words “you will always be welcome here” resound through your work. I absolutely love this. Why does this feel like an important part of your ethos?

This felt so important to me, because for a very long time I didn’t really know where I belonged or where I fitted in. I wanted desperately to be a mother but that wasn’t happening and to be surrounded by friends and children was at times really painful. I didn’t want to spend time with them, I didn’t want to go to baby showers and first birthday parties because it hurt too much. But I also didn’t want to let people down or alienate myself from my friends. 

I felt so alone and misunderstood. Was it natural to feel this way? Even though some of those I shared with were incredibly supportive unless you’ve been through baby loss or infertility or sadly both – you cannot fully understand how it feels. People mean well with words such as “it was only early”, “at least you can get pregnant” etc but there are no words that can take away from the pain of losing your much loved and longed for baby, they weren’t “just” anything – they were your world and all of your future hopes and dreams. It’s no good being able to “get pregnant” if you cannot carry your baby to full term, if you don’t come home with your baby. When your met with comments like this it made me feel as though perhaps I was being “over dramatic” or “over sensitive” with my emotions. It also made me feel really alone because I didn’t feel anyone else understood how much pain I was in. 

I also feel that many of us try to minimise our grief because we didn’t have it as bad as someone else, I do it myself, “oh well I lost my babies in early pregnancy that’s not as hard as it must have been to give birth to your stillborn child”. But as I’ve been reminded, there is no pecking order with grief, everyone’s grief is just as valid and therefore everyone has just as might right to be here as anyone else. 

There are no set rules in the time you have been trying to have babies or how long ago that you went through infertility or loss. Your story, your voice, your experiences are valid and will always be heard here. 

To create a safe, welcoming environment means everything to me – my wish is that every woman going through infertility or baby loss knows about the Rainbow Running and Yoga Club and that if they chose to they can be a part of our community.  

What has the reception to Rainbow Running Club been like?

I have been blown away by the response we have received from the very outset. I wasn’t sure if anyone would think this was a good “idea” or if anyone would feel able to come along. I know that this would be the kind of thing that I would look at from the side lines and thinking that looks wonderful but I couldn’t possibly come along to that, because X,Y & Z. So I’ve always tried to reassure the women who do take the leap to come to one of our events that they won’t be alone, that I will look after them and that they can bring a female friend if that feels more comfortable, so they don’t have to come alone. 

We held our first run in September 2019 and over 25 women came and joined us. Which far surpassed even my wildest dreams! 

I have been met by such kindness and support from the baby loss and infertility community and by some of the women I have looked up to and admired for a long time has been incredible.  I have had so many experiences I could only have ever dreamed of. I still have moments where I cannot quite believe all we have achieved over the past year. It really has been such a whirl wind. But an amazing one. 

What do you love most about the community you’ve created?

I am so proud of the Community that we have created together, watching women become friends and watching those friendships flourish, whilst seeing women supporting each other has really been incredible. 

How has creating a community helped you?

You may think that it could be really sombre being in a room filled with women going through the hardest moments of their lives, who have endured such heartache. But in fact it is incredibly uplifting and freeing to know that you are no longer alone, to finally feel heard and understood. Until last year I had no idea just how much that would really mean or how much this would help me to heal.

Over this past year I have learnt, thanks to the incredible ladies that I have met, that Rainbow's don't necessarily have to mean babies, they can also be the moments that bring you joy and happiness and glimmers of light after the darkness.

The Rainbow Running and Yoga Club is my Rainbow - it has given me a safe space to pour all of my heartache and grief into, it has helped me to find my passion and purpose, to rediscover who I am (outside of infertility and loss which consumed my life for so long), who 'Lucy' is. What brings me joy? What makes my heart sing?

How do you fit this work around your life?

This is something I’m trying to get better at but it’s a juggle, my mind is constantly bubbling with ideas and thoughts. I try to restrict my “work” on the Rainbow Running and Yoga Club to the evenings when my daughter has gone to bed, but there are occasions when I have lots of parcels to send out etc that I do need to do things during the day.

I’m often filled with a guilt that I’m not giving either 100% of my attention but I try to remind myself of the quote from Jessica Hepburn’s 21 Miles;

“I learned that most people need something else in their life as well. Motherhood can make you happy, but it’s rarely enough”

I’ve learned over the past year that I need the creativity, the challenges of setting up and running my own business to remind me of who I am, and what I love. I love being creative, I love planning events and that makes me a happier person, which in turn  I hope makes me a better mother. 

I just wish I could take away the guilt – so much of motherhood is wrapped in guilt, even before you get pregnant, a guilt for not eating this, or doing that, and it constantly evolves. But I want my daughter to grow up and see that I used my grief to propel myself out of my comfort zone and into creating something I truly believed in with every ounce of my being. That it’s good to have dreams and ambitions and to try and fail and evolve. I hope I am teaching her important life lessons. 

But I do need to get better at balancing and at switching off! I’m a work in progress!  

Do you have any advice for anyone feeling isolated in their infertility/parenting after loss journey?

It may seem really daunting but if you can try to connect with others who have been through similar experiences. The great thing about social media is you can create an account where you don’t need to share your face or your real name but you can still connect and talk to the most supportive group of women who understand how it feels to be a part of a club none of us would ever with to be a part of. Something I wish I had done much sooner, I wish I hadn’t let my shame and feelings of failure stop me from seeking out others. 

If the thought of coming to an event is too daunting then why not join in via zoom from the safety and comfort of your own home, with your audio and video off – you will still get the benefits and the sense of being a part of a community but in a way that feels more comfortable to you. 

What do you do for yourself on particularly tough days? What does self-care look like for you?

Something I’ve recently learnt to accept is that grief isn’t linear, that there is no end. You can be “fine” for days and then suddenly in the midst of an ordinary day a tidal wave of grief will come from nowhere and sweep you off your feet. On those days you need to be kind to yourself. It is a constantly evolving process and something which I need to get better at.

 On the days when I really feel as though I don’t have it in me to go for a run, those are the days when I need it the most. But if that feels too much then I try to get out for a walk, being outside in nature instantly boosts my mood, even in the rain. During lockdown we didn’t leave our home for three months – which at the time I thought I was ok with but now I realise how much I need to be outside in nature, how it grounds me, how it calms me and how I will never take those moments of freedom for granted again. 

I’ve recently downloaded the Insight timer app and when I am struggling to sleep or to switch off my mind I listen to the guided mediations and yoga nidra practices and they always help. 

I try to include little rituals in to my day and have become a firm fan of essential oils and their powers to lift my spirits and boost my mood, I diffuse them, use them in my daily beauty regimes, in my food etc and get them out in times when I need some help to “breathe” or to calm. In moments when it all feels as though things are spiralling I try to remember to get them out and to inhale and exhale three deep breaths – that is often enough to just give myself a little reset. 

How does it make you feel to know that you’re able to help others with the work that you do?

I don’t often get to hear how others have found coming to our events/ being a part of them, but in our new podcast our guests share how they found the Rainbow Running Club and their first hand experiences of how it feels to come to one of our events. I often get so caught up in the planning and organising I don’t allow myself the chance to stop and take it all in, but to hear women sharing their experiences has been incredibly emotional. To know that the Rainbow Running Club is making a difference to people’s lives makes me feel so incredibly proud.

Do you have any advice for anyone who wants to create a community of their own? 

Go for it!! It may seem terrifying but if you take that leap you won’t regret it. Things will go right and other things won’t go to plan but it is all part and parcel of learning and evolving. But if you have a passion for something then I would really encourage you to take that leap of faith and to run with it. 

Instagram/ social media are a great way to connect with others and to gauge if others are interested in what you are trying to create before you make any big financial commitments. It’s also a great way to connect with other communities and small business etc and there is a hub of support to be found there. 

There are lots of great websites that you can use that help you to build a professional website (often for free) even if you have no idea what you are doing!

Don’t be afraid to contact others and share your idea, or ask them to share. The worst that they can say is “no”. But sometimes you might just get a surprise and be greeted with a “yes”. 

My biggest tip and something I try to remind myself often is “be yourself”, that is what makes you and your idea unique (even if someone else is already doing something similar.) It’s easy to look at social media and think they are doing a great job, or love their page but you need to be true to yourself and what you are about because that’s what will make your community special. 

I often have moments of doubt where I think “oh my events aren’t polished enough or professional enough”, or “I don’t really know what I am doing with this”. But I try to push those to one side and just focus on being myself and what I am doing well. 

Do you have plans to grow your community further with more activities and events?

I hope to be able to re-start our in person events as soon as it feels safe to do so and my dream is to hold more retreat days and weekends. Whilst continuing to grow our online events for as long as there is a need for those. 

My wish is that over the coming year we will be able to reach more women throughout the UK and the world, so that no woman is left feeling alone or isolated. 

Thank you so much for sharing, Lucy. You can find out more about Rainbow Running and Yoga Club at:

www.rainbowrunningclub.co.uk or on Instagram @_mother_of_one_