How to build a gentle creative self-care practice into your days
BEFORE WE GET STARTED:
If you’re here for creative self-care guidance, you might enjoy my book: The Rallying Cry - Healing the Hardest Parts of Life Through Creativity (click here to see on Amazon)
Now let’s jump in…
Today’s blog post was earmarked for a photography tutorial, but I woke this morning with a familiar heavy heart and unable to pin it on any one thing. In that moment, I knew it would make far more sense for me to write these words today instead. You see, that’s the thing about self-care, I think it only really works if we can tune in and really listen to what our hearts and souls are telling us. To be mindful in working out what it is they need.
In choosing to write this post instead of one about photography, I knew these words would flow pretty easily. As time marches on, I’m getting better at listening to myself and finding the path of least resistance as I try to navigate through my parenting after loss journey.
Elizabeth Gilbert said recently that although she was a writer, her real work lay in managing her mental health. She talked of a series of daily practices that helped her keep the black dog at bay. A mix of spiritual, emotional and physical ways to shake the energy out. I can totally relate to this.
WHEN SELF-CARE TIPS BECOME UNHELPFUL
I received a Whats-App message from a friend the other day. Although she absolutely didn’t need to, she apologised for being a little off-radar lately. Although I’d messaged her, I hadn’t heard back for a few weeks and when she explained how she’d been feeling, I understood completely.
She said she’d been feeling low, but doing all the things that are generally considered to be beneficial for our mental health. She’d been running, going to bed early, eating well etc. She mentioned feeling as though her mind just had too many tabs open. I felt a little guilty, as I realised that in talking of the things that help me, she’d taken them all on board and unintentionally overdosed on her own self-care.
We’ve all seen that that Pinterest pin, you know the one. Designed to be uplifting and aspirational but can actually make you feel worse? “10 ways to start your day right!”. It might read along the lines of 1. Get up at 6am 2. Drink a cup of warm lemon water 3. Meditate 4. Do Yoga 5. Do some journaling 6. Go for a run etc. Maybe some people can start everyday like this but to me it just seems exhausting. It also doesn't factor in the many nuances of the human condition. To be able to bounce through these activities every single day would only work (for me anyway) if I were a robot. Sometimes, these sort of suggestions can become to prescriptive to be helpful.
Although I do have a list of daily practices I find really helpful in managing my mental health, I’ve made a pact with myself to address that list with a kind and gentle approach. My main focus around all of this stuff is to be mindful of listening to myself and what I really need in that moment. If I’m feeling like I’ve got too many tabs open, I know it’s time to close a few.
Good days vs bad days
The mental load of looking after young children is huge, whether you’re a loss parent or not. There’s so much swimming around my brain at any one time that for this reason, I work on a sliding scale of importance when it comes to getting things done. I try to weigh up how important things are with how beneficial they are for my mental health. I try to find a balance without overloading myself.
So for me, it’s about aiming for 3-4 tasks per day and the things I choose to do fall under different categories. Some of these activities will be self-care related and some will just be general life-running stuff.
Here’s how I break down my weekly tasks into three categories of:
Need to do
Good to do
Nice to do
These three lists remain more or less the same for me every week, but what I choose from them day to day will vary. It might seem a bit ridiculous to have “caring for my child“ listed, as it goes without saying that I will do this every day. I have it written down though, to remind myself that some days, that will be all I’m able to do and when that’s the case, then well done me for still managing to be a decent Mum.
Addressing items on these lists contributes to my feelings of well-being and they fall into the different categories according to how helpful or important they are, or how easy they are to achieve. My creative pursuits are the tasks that really light me up, whether that’s actively creating something (like taking or editing a photo), or simply gathering fuel that will contribute to a future endeavour (reading or listening to a podcast, for example).
So, on a GOOD day, I’ll choose to do one or two things from my “need to do” list. Of course there will always be times when necessity dictates that I pick more from this list (several client jobs on at once etc) but other than that I try to keep them to a minimum. I’ll then choose one thing from my “good to do” list and then for bonus feel-good points, one thing from my “nice to do list”.
I’ll write my 3-4 chosen tasks down at the start of each day as it helps me commit to them and recognise that I’m being intentional with my day. I’ll take as much time as I need in achieving them, trying not to rush through to hurry on to the next thing. Slowing down to be in the moment, no matter how mundane the task. I get the slow satisfaction from a simple tick on my to do list when something’s achieved. Sometimes, I find the flow and can achieve way more than I set out to. If I aim to do my 3-4 things on a good day and achieve, or even surpass them, it can make me feel GREAT.
Here’s how it might look in action:
On a BAD day, I’ll take a moment to recognise that I’m struggling and accept that I need to scale things right back and maybe do just one or two things from my “need to do” list. That might be as simple as keeping J. alive and fed (beans on toast is fine!) and addressing any client work I may have on. That needs to be enough that day. Cancelling anything that isn’t compulsory is ok. If I feel like I can do one other thing for myself (taking it from either my “good to do” or “nice to do” list) I’ll count that as a massive win. It might be as simple as taking a single iPhone photo on our way to the park. The smallest of efforts can be enough to turn the tide.
REST
Rest trumps everything on the list when we’re having a really tough time of it. If you’re not fortunate enough to have any help with parenting duties, I appreciate how extra hard this can be, But if there’s anyone who can help support you in getting that rest you need, then please ask for it. Rest is so,so important on the down days. When I’m feeling really low, I try to grab it with both hands whenever I can.
We’ve been doing “Daddy Days” for around 6 months in our house. As much as I value our family together time at the weekends, it’s felt important to ask for a little time to myself. So every Saturday or Sunday (give or take a few), my other half will take our little girl out for the morning. I’m guaranteed 3 or 4 hrs to myself more or less every weekend. Sometimes I’m productive and/or creative with it, sometimes I indulge in Netflix. Nothing at all wrong with that.
The Reverse to-do list
I don’t always decide in advance the things I’ll try to achieve that day. When my head and heart feel really foggy, I’ll do a “reverse to-do list” which can feel incredibly satisfying with minimal effort and commitment. In case you’ve not come across this term before, a “reverse to-do list” is basically where you just do….. something…..anything and then write it down simply to tick it off. It’s actually pretty motivating and you can usually surprise yourself with how much you’ve achieved in your day without realising. A tick on a “reverse to-do list”can feel like a much needed pat on the back when you’re having a down day.
So take the path of least resistance and if that means rest, then by all means, own it. Just remember to reassess tomorrow so you don’t stay down there. Learn to ride the waves as best you can. If you can do one thing tomorrow, it might just lead to another. Sometimes, just showing up is all you need to do to get you through.
I created this free self-care planner for you to download, print and use as often as you like. It’s not intended to be homework (I promise!), just a little prompt to hopefully encourage a gentle self-care mindset and nurture positive practice. Fill out your details below to receive your free download. I hope you find it helpful.
If you’d like to carry on the conversation or let me know how you get with the planner, my inbox is always open. You can DM me on Instagram @suziejaygoldsmith
Suzie x
(Pinterest title image kindly supplied by Jamie Street via Unsplash)